Sunday, May 25, 2008

GoodGodDamn!

GOODGOD! ©2006 LOKEY
GOODGOD ! DAMN.. UNCLE SAM
YOU GOT MY HANDS ALL TIED UP IN YOUR MASTER PLAN
YOU GOT ONE HAND IN MY POCKET AND THE OTHER ONE IS ON A WARHEAD
SWEET MARY MAGDALENE SISTER SAVE US PLEASE
AND GET JESUS TO FREE US FROM THE IDEA OF LIBERTY

BOMB THOSE LITTLE BROWN BASTARDS IN THE NAME OF SAVING THEIR SOULS
KNOWING DAMN WELL YOU'RE THE INFIDEL MURDERING FOR BLACK GOLD
SCARIN' US INTO FIGHTING TERRORISTS AND NOT THE BATTLE FOR NEW ORLEANS

SWEET MARY MAGDALENE SISTER SAVE US PLEASE
AND GET JESUS TO FREE US FROM THESE IDEAS OF LIBERTY

ONE FATEFUL MORNING I WOKE UP EARLY OUT OF A REALLY SCARY DREAM
A GREAT BIG BLACK BUILDING EXPLODED IN FRONT OF ME
WHILE I CALLED A FRIEND I FELT A GENTLE RAIN THEN HE SAID
"MAN YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHERE THEY JUST CRASHED A COUPLE' PLANES!"

GOODGOD ! DAMN. UNCLE SAM
NOW WE GOT ALL OUR HANDS ALL TIED UP IN YOUR MASTER PLAN
YOU GOT ONE HAND IN MY POCKET
AND THE OTHER ONE IS ON A WARHEAD
OOH! - I MEAN "PEACEKEEPER"

BY THE EARLY MORNING DRIVETIME RADIO HAD READY MIXED
A STEADY DOSE OF PATRIOTIC PAIN
AND EVERY TV SHOWED THE SAME PRE-APPROVED FOOTAGE
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND
OH MAN! THEY'RE JUMPING! HOLDING HANDS!
OH! -VER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN

THE WHOLE COUNTRY CRIED AND RALLIED READY TO FIGHT
FOR ALL OF OUR INNOCENT LIVES WRONGED
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO BE ABOARD THAT PLANE -
THAT DID NOT HIT THE PENTAGON?!
BUT DUDE-THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION AND A BIG …SMOKE …SCREEN
YEAH! YOU THINK THEY WOULDA SHOWED YOU A LITTLE BIT MORE
OF THAT TRAGEDY ON THE TUBE -
"HEY MISTER HOW'S A GREAT BIG PLANE MAKE SUCH A TINY LITTLE HOLE?"
"SON THAT DOES NOT CONCERN YOU"
" - NO WINGS - BODIES -OR SEATS - "
"SON, THE MAN SAID 'MOVE ALONG' "

I THOUGHT GOODGOD ! DAMN. UNCLE SAM
YOU GOT OUR HANDS ALL TIED UP IN YOUR MASTER PLAN
SWEET MARY MAGDALENE SISTER SAVE US PLEASE
AND GET JESUS TO FREE US FROM THIS IDEA OF LIBERTY
SISTER SAVE US PLEASE AND GET JESUS TO FREE US FROM THIS IDEA
OF LIBERTY IN THE LAND OF THE GREED AND THE HOME OF THE SLAVES

Friday, May 02, 2008

BIRKHA BETTI! BOOM!

Birkha Betti - IRAQ’s premier stand up comedienne...
Current mood: ignoring apathy

I just flew in from Fallujah and boy am I glad I have arms! No joke!

I am very progressive. I wanted to join the women's movement,
but I decided to quit getting stoned after college.

A soldier tried to rape me: but he just came in his pants and said
"Mission Accomplished."
I thought that was it, but he's been screwing all my friends ever since.
No joke!

How many troops does it take to occupy Iraq?
Apparently ALL of them! No joke!

A soldier said: "your oil or your life!"
I said: "take my oil!" And then he shot me! No joke!

My cousin Ali wanted to be a stand up comic,
but he got his legs blown off! No joke!

How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
No one knows. There's no electricity. No joke!

No, really - I love Iraq. Gas is very cheap there.
Unless you count the bodies! No joke!

I was buying a used car and told the salesman:
"This car looks like a lemon."
He said: "no! it's the bomb!" BOOM!

Three insurgents get into a car. BOOM!

A priest and a rabbi walk into a pub in London. BOOM!

A traveling salesman stopped to talk to a farmer. BOOM!

What do you get when you cross a religious fanatic with C4? BOOM!

Why did the chicken cross the road? BOOM!

Six soldiers were torturing the man i've been married to
since i was eleven years old.
a neighbor said, "aren't you going to call for help?"
i said, "no, six should be able to handle it."